Wednesday, January 14, 2009

What Goes Around Comes Around...and Around...and Around


Today my friend Mary Jo and I were having our semi daily phone date.  We have the same job in different cities and generally work the same hours, so we get to spend the drive home dangerously talking on our cell phones.  I guess I usually talk and she listens, and offers sage advice.  I tend to talk fast, fast, fast because I'm afraid that there will be no traffic or red lights and I will arrive at home sooner than I can finish telling her all the things that I must.  We both have a standby, emergency pull-off-and-park location just in case we need more time.  I'm pretty sure the local IGA thinks I'm casing the joint.  I find that these conversations are the perfect segue from work to home.  Plus she calms me down, she is steady and calm and rarely gets flustered (although I suspect that inside she is as flustery as me!) 

What was I saying?  Oh yes, today we were asking each other why the same type of people keep showing up in our lives? For instance, her type is the needy sort.  The kind that need to be constantly reassured and praised.  She assured me that she wasn't referring to me (not that I'm needy and need reassurance.) My type is the "World of Black & White".  I struggle most when dealing with the kind of people who cannot see and do not understand gray areas.  They cannot comprehend why this rule must change in this instance or why 90% of the time this guideline is true, but 10% of the time it is not.  Some might say they lack flexibility, but that implies they are unwilling to bend.  I think it is that they genuinely cannot see shades of gray.  I have found that typically these folks are well educated and are extremely intelligent and detail focused but lack the ability to take a standard or rule, see beyond the words of it and apply the "spirit" of it to slightly different situation.  I live in a world of gray.  My workplace is gray, my home life is gray, my hair is gray.  I like it that way (except the hair.)  I think it forces you to make deliberate decisions and to creatively think through problems to come up with a solution that best fits the situation.  It also forces you to take accountability for your actions.  You cannot blame your decision on "the policy".

Oh yeah, and my take on the whole "Why do these people keep coming into my life?" issue is that until I learn to effectively deal with these sorts of people they will continue to pop up in my gray life.  Apparently I have a very slow learning curve.


2 comments:

RRigdon said...

I could write a book for you about the "kind" of person who keeps showing up in my life. You'd laugh, you'd cry. Wait...maybe I should write it.

Anonymous said...

I think what you described is some sort of Buddhist philosophy, but if it's true, as soon as we get it right, we get to move on.

Good grief, I wonder what I'll get next? I'm getting pretty used to this kind.

P.S. I hope I'm not one of the "no shades of gray" people in YOUR life... I'm pretty sure I can at least see light black and dark white.