Brave

When I was in elementary school I remember spending a lot of my time being terrified that I would be called on to do something in front of the entire class.  Every day we would read aloud, each student would read a paragraph to the class.  I would always count ahead and figure out which paragraph was mine and read it in my head over and over so that I would be certain of every word and get the inflection just right.  Crazy?  Ummm, yeah, nice to meet you.

I couldn't take the pressure of the daily kickball game at recess.  I hated the thought of being the one to let the team down.  I hated the choosing of the teams.  I remember standing in the outfield praying that the ball wouldn't come to me.  I've never been one for group sports, I'd much rather rely on myself and have no one that has to rely on me.  Especially for something as unreliable as my kicking, catching, or throwing skills.

While Hannah has many of my shy tendencies, like being nervous at large performances, and not particularly enjoying people looking at her,  she also is so brave.  She has no problem getting up in front of her class.  When I asked her about it she said, "But Mama, they are my FRIENDS!"

Hannah's teacher recently provided a challenge to her students.  They can pick from any number of things on a list to get points.  Of course, the first thing I do is peruse the list for items I would do, like draw a picture, or read a poem and write about it, anything I could do on my own that didn't involve getting up in front of the class.  But Hannah?  She picked "Write a song and perform it for your classmates."  That one sentence has all my nightmares rolled into one.

Here's the song she wrote and performed:

Honeybee,  Honeybee
Where is your mommy?
I don't know,
I am lost.
Well, I will help you
Don't worry!
You are my best friend now.
You are SOOOOOO nice.
Do you want to go play, Honeybee?
I might sting you!
Don't you worry-
Friends don't sting friends!


The next day she made up a dance and performed it for her class.  Again, for me this is nightmare and vomit inducing, but she just went to school, made up a dance at recess, and viola!

I know how crippling shyness can be, how it can prevent you from doing so many things, how long it takes you to overcome, if ever.  There are many things about myself that I hope Hannah inherits, but I hope shyness isn't one of them.  So while it was a mystery to me why ANYONE would ever look at that list and pick the things she did, I'm so proud of her for it.

Balance

Balance has always been difficult for me- impossible actually. I suppose I have always been like this, although I don't remember my younger self much. I do remember a childhood filled with notebooks, charts, folders and special pens.

Another obsession: Girl Scout badges. I was going to have ALL the badges on my vest. ALL OF THEM. One of my regrets in life is that I've lost my vest filled with hard earned badges.

I become obsessed with completing whatever project I have volunteered for, or whatever project looked like a new business venture, or whatever just looked like fun. Then I move quickly to uninterested. Most of my crafting hobbies fall into this category. I find something that looks interesting, like crocheting an afghan, I do the research (and research and research), then get the supplies, then go to work. I expect an afghan to materialize within a few minutes and when it doesn't I get discouraged. If anyone is interested in several half completed craft projects, I'm your girl.

Some of my past obsessions:

Terrariums

Beaded Crafts

Handmade Paper

Baking

Granny Squares

Dieting

Decoupage

Guitar Playing

Little House on the Prairie and all things Laura Ingalls Wilder

Blogging

Some future obsessions that I'm pondering:

The PTO

Crocheting

Party Planning

Blogging

You might notice that exercise isn't on either list. Although in the past it could have easily appeared on the past obsession list (several times,) I have decided that this will be the main focus of balance for me. It's super hard for me to continue working as hard as I am when I'm not losing massive amounts of weight immediately. Every single day I have to remind myself that fitness is a way of life, not a hobby. That it is something I do just like brushing my teeth. So, this is my new motto, this is the picture on my phone, this what I recite to myself every damn day: