I Think I Let Her Down

Holly danced in The Nutcracker on Saturday. It was also a tea party for little ones. They had it beautifully decorated and all the girls were dressed in their finest with shiny shoes and big bows. Hannah went with her cousin, Gracie, and both girls were very excited. They sat quietly on their carpet squares and looked back at us frequently, just to make sure that we were within arm's reach. Even during the scary Nutcracker vs. Mouse King part, they sat wide-eyed, completely enthralled.

After every dance, the ballerinas invited the girls to join them on the dance floor. They twirled and jumped and flitted and floated- except Hannah. She didn't know what to do. She felt uncomfortable and awkward. Dancing at home is very different from dancing in front of two rows of mommies with cameras. She stood in the middle of the dance floor while all the girls were in circles holding hands. She turned to me, and in a teeny, tiny, little voice said "Mommy?" I smiled super big and did the brush off motion with my hands and said, "Go dance!" My cousin, Melissa, finally took her to Gracie.

But I should have saved her. I should have pulled her onto my lap where she clearly would have been happier. I recognized that look of shyness mixed with fear. Every time I picture her standing there alone, her little face so uneasy, it breaks my heart.

She told me later that she prefers soccer to dancing. Oh, and she tried to eat the really old gumdrops that were glued on the really old styrofoam tree.